What is owed, and to whom

Dining out is a give and take relationship. We, as the diners, expect certain behaviors from all levels of the establishment we patronize; and, in return, they expect our return custom, our word of mouth referrals to our acquaintances, and payment for the meal.

And yes, call me old-fashioned, but tipping is--and should remain--optional.

I've worked as a table busser, a dishwasher, a host, a waiter, and a line cook, and they all have their ups and downs. Each plays upon the other's strengths, and balances the weaknesses. For example, a dishwasher setting out a tray of unwashed plates can be counteracted by a sharp-eyed line chef sliding them aside and grabbing clean ones. As well, the disquiet noted when a busser forgets to crumb a table can be offset by the host addressing the issue before seating the patron. All things being equal, though, whether discussing a chain or a sole proprietorship, a restaurant is known for two things: the quality of its food and its wait staff.

I am willing to accept a reasonable delay for a good meal. If my server checks in with me at reasonable intervals to advise me that my dish is being prepared, or to ask if I need more wine or bread, I'll happily chat with my friends or read a book whilst waiting. And, if the food is not cooked to my liking when I receive it, I have no qualms about politely requesting that it be returned to the kitchen for further preparation.

I like my steaks blue-rare, and I will return them if they're served medium-well. I prefer my eggs over medium, and I loathe receiving them over easy. And, in most instances, the wait staff is perfectly ready to address my concerns.

But in some cases, I'm torn. There are some establishments I patronize where one or two servers always leave me frustrated. The food is exceptionally good, but I inevitably wind up either leaving unsatisfied or requesting to be seated in a different waitperson's section. Then, too, no matter how good the wait staff, if the food is not up to my standards, I don't patronize the establishment.

If we are patrons, then it is our right to expect professional service and good food; and, if we are working in the service sector, it is our responsibility to provide both items. Conversely, if we are in the service sector, it is our right to expect customers to treat us professionally and to pay us what we are owed, and it is our responsibility as patrons to meet both of those expectations.

The service industry thrives on the social dynamic, and nowhere is this more obvious than when dining out.

So returning to my point about tipping above, if your server does a reasonable job, provide them with a reasonable tip. If they are oustanding in their interaction, show your appreciation in a tangible manner. And, if their performance is execrable, speak to their manager.

Dining out is a give and take relationship, and both parties need to work to keep that relationship healthy.